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My Bloody Valentine (MBV) delivers in spades if you are a fan of this once popular subgenre. Of course I always have a lukewarm reception for remakes, especially of films that I love, but I admit I was very excited to see this one.

If you are familiar with the original then you already know the story. Ten years ago, Harry Warden went off his nut and hacked a bunch of folks to bits with a coal ax. And now it seems he has returned to mine some more bodies. The similarities from this point on are splattered here and there along with most of the town of Harmony’s entrails.

Let’s get the inevitable comparison out of the way. I am grieved to announce there is no heart in the weenie water scene. That broke my heart a little but I can love again. And I do.

Basically it will suffice to say that this year’s MBV is a straight-up, blood drenched, boobies poppin’ , Rated R slasher just like the good old days. There’s no waiting around for some action. There’s no wondering when the killing will begin. There are no fake out jump scares that leave you ticked off at the lack of a punchline. MBV starts swinging and doesn’t stop until the bodies pile high.

Jensen, who is always easy on the peepers, does a whole bunch of looking hot. And while I still can’t buy Kerr Smith as a badass, he admittedly does a fine job here. My one complaint is that I wish I could’ve dug on more Tom Freakin’ Atkins. I guess I’m just used to him being the center in his films and maybe he’s getting a little up there for that. But he made my jaw drop here and there and that’s okay with me.

Some of the dialogue sets itself up for a swing and a miss but I don’t watch slasher films to feed the depth beast. Slashers are meant to do nothing but entertain with a whole lot of gratuitous violence and nudity. If you grew up with them like I did then you know exactly what I am talking about. And if you are a fan you will not be disappointed with MBV.

The 3D was solid and fun to watch. Thanks to the Dolby innovations, you get much more than the usual pole-comin-atcha gag. There is dimension added to every scene and sometimes I found myself feeling as I was there. When a character come from the side it almost seems as if you could reach out and touch them. If you have never seen a 3D film this is a good place to start. If you are a fan of 3D horror from back in the day this is a great place to keep the love flowin’ along with the blood. You can of course expect a little cheese but for the most part it’s no big deal.


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June 2018
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